Birthday Cake
by Akatsuki Michihayato
Summary: Tseng bakes Aerith a birthday cake, hilarity ensues.
1. The Cake

AN: Hello everyone! There's more Bad Ass Chemistry Class on the way as soon as I can get the chapters to a computer with internet capabilities. This is something I wrote for school in the spirit of eating a lot. Anyway so thanks to everyone who read my other stuff and is reading this ^_^

One-shot requests: I'm taking them. So if you want something written message me and I'll try to get it done as quickly as possible. Thanks again R&R!

The Cake

One hour. He had only one hour before going back to work, and of course, his supervisor couldn't know a thing about this. His job wasn't to befriend the girl, just to watch over her. She was the last of her kind after all. How could he have let this escalate! He was just to keep her out of trouble but now…

It was her birthday, he had to do something! Walking over to the pantry he slid the door open. He had never really been one for cooking but this seemed to be an occasion that required it. But what would he cook? He could hardly make the instant Ramon in a cup!

Cake. He had always had cake on his birthday. But she was an orphan. So had she ever had birthday cake? He began hopelessly rummaging through the pantry looking for something that couldn't possibly be there. Much to his surprise there was cake mix sitting in the far corner on the top shelf along with some pudding mix. Turning over the box he scanned the list of ingredients before searching the kitchen for them.

After setting the oven to 350 degrees he set to work. The instructions suggested he start by greasing the pans and putting flour in them, so he took the bag of untouched flour he had found and tugged viciously at the sides. The resulting atomic mushroom cloud of flour settled itself on his black suit jacket. He cursed himself for overlooking it. The jacket along with his now speckled black tie were tossed on a chair. He seriously considered removing his pristine white dress shirt also but decided that that would be, well, too strange. So he settled with just rolling up the sleeves.

Once again he was back to work, with the pans ready he could start with the batter. The cake mix, pudding mix, milk, eggs, and vegetable oil were dumped into a large bowl before being stirred rapidly with the largest spoon he could find. He only had so much time for this. Once mixed the batter was placed in the pans and then in the oven for thirty five agonizing minutes. Most of which he spent leaning against the counter holding onto it with a death grip trying to come up with something to say to her.

Then suddenly a thought hit him. Cakes usually had frosting on them. He found himself back in the pantry searching for nonexistent frosting which he amazingly found. The timer buzzed and another ten minutes were spent letting the cakes cool and over stirring the tub of frosting.

All of this left him with five minutes to hastily re-assemble his outfit and throw the cake in a box before running out the door.

.:~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~:.

Walking through the slums he was uncharacteristically self conscious. A man dressed in a business suit with a cake wasn't something one usually saw. But as he approached the abandoned church where she was usually found he forgot all about his unusual appearance.

What was he doing? How could he have let his personal feelings get in the way of his job? He was at the door now. There was no turning back. But he did anyway, just as all his hopes and dreams left him and he was fine with slinking off back to his apartment to die, he found himself face to face with the thing that most terrified him.

"Oh, hello Tseng. How are you?" she said, not as surprised to see him as he was to see her.

"Um…I…hello Aerith. I just came to cheek on you and bring you this." Tseng told his shoes as he held the box out to her. She lifted the lid to look inside before taking it from him and saying:

"Oh, thank you so much! Come back to my house and we can have some, it wouldn't be as good if you weren't there to share it with me!" Surprised by her enthusiasm he didn't notice that he was being led away from the church and toward a run-down house not too far away.

"I really shouldn't." he said as they went inside.

"Oh don't be silly, besides I won't tell anyone." She replied.

And with that he found himself sitting at a small table in the kitchen being served cake. He watched her take a bite then another.

"Wow, this is really good. I didn't know you could cook." Aerith said. Picking up his fork he took a bite.

"Neither did I." He said.

As they ate Aerith talked away though Tseng had no idea what she was saying. He was preoccupied by his own thoughts, such as: Wow, she looks pretty, or I hope no one finds out about this, or why was there cake mix and frosting in my pantry? Is there some sort of inter-dimensional portal to some cake filled universe in it?

Then came the realization that Aerith was looking at him curiously because he had managed to shove that whole piece of cake in his mouth.

"Do you want some more?" She said gesturing to the cake.

"No in fact I should probably be going." He said getting up. She walked outside with him before giving him a hug and returning to the house. And even he, stone faced, emotionless Tseng had to smile until…

"Did I leave the oven on?"


	2. First Cake, Now this?

AN: well I'm a liar. This whole thing is a school project really. So there will be other chapters after this. The next will be from Reno's POV! ^_^

So thanks to **thesakuraclow **and **Princess of the Knight**. (and everyone else who read)

First Cake Now This?

Tseng stood in his kitchen. Why did this sort of thing have to happen to him? He had been so careful, using his own break as time and then sneaking off to do his job as usual, or so it should have seemed. He would have gotten away with it if he hadn't needed to explain to the President why he had almost burned his and the other employees apartments to the ground. But even the President could see his reasonings and there were no questions asked, everything should have been fine but it most definitely wasn't. Much to his dismay his red-haired co-worker had overheard their conversation and being an obnoxious idiot he cornered Tseng later and harassed him. He had baked her a cake and in the process almost burned down a large building, but that wasn't enough. He hadn't gotten her a birthday present.

Tseng presided to point out that said cake was the present but the red-head insisted he should get her an actual gift. So there he was, standing absently in his kitchen, and thus the dilemma formed. He had no problem buying her a gift but what would she want? For just a moment he seriously considered checking the pantry. Lots of strange things seemed to appear there, but he wasn't allowed to bring her any food, that according to the red-head didn't count. So now what? He thought about checking his closet but that idea was instantly vetoed. He had seen the movies, the only things that came out of closets were pale Japanese ghost children. He didn't even want to chance it.

Deciding that he'd probably do better if he was actually out looking, and that the smell of fresh paint was giving him a head ache, Tseng left his apartment, but not before checking to make sure the oven was off.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

He had been wandering around for hours now, with absolutely no luck. Aerith was a simple person but honestly, what do you give people as simple as her? Tseng ran his hand over his raven black hair that was, as always, in a pony tail. He knew she'd like anything he got her, or would she just fake it so he wouldn't feel bad, and at this point he was starting to get depressed. But just as he was about to go home and take his chances with the ghost children he saw it. The most adorable, bright yellow, stuffed animal bird that had ever existed. It had bright blue eyes and an orange bandana tied around its neck. She would love it,(maybe) though he was somewhat thrown off by how yellow it was.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Once again Tseng found himself walking through the slums, though this time he looked even stranger with the bright yellow bird tucked under his arm. In the ten minutes that had passed he suddenly felt very unsure of his gift choice. How was he going to explain his reasoning for buying it. Several quick excuses ran through his head like: Well it reminded me of you, or look how yellow it is? Or I was high on paint fumes at the time. He decided that was his best bet.

Approaching the church doors he looked through the crack between them. There she was tending the flowers that had sprouted between the stone of the floor. He tried as hard as he could to open the doors quietly but the loud creaking even surprised him. Aerith spun to see who was there but eased up when she saw it was him.

"Tseng! It's about time you showed up!" She said standing.

"Oh really. Why is that?" He asked standing frozen in the doorway.

"Well I wanted to thank you for the cake you made me so…" she trailed off slowly, before holding out a few somewhat wilted flowers to him. He took them from her before holding out his own gift without saying anything. There was a moment of silence between them before she let out a high pitched squeal.

"It's so cute! Thank you!" She screamed before hugging him with enough force he was sure he'd fall over.

"You're welcome." He said, almost smiling until the harsh ringing of his phone disrupted the moment. Holding the receiver to his ear the sound of the red-heads laughter drifted through before a sarcastic

"Really?"

Tseng clicked the phone shut. Maybe he should have stayed home with the ghosts.


	3. Reno's POV

AN: ok here it is, this is basically the same as the last chapter just from Reno's POV! I will (hopefully) be writing a Holiday special sort of thing. So thanks to all my readers, R&R. BTW I upped the rating on the story in case future chapters get more graphic, but i figured that wouldn't really matter what I rated it, people would read whatever they wanted anyway.....

First Cake, Now This: Reno's POV

He was screaming, but this was nothing new. The president did a lot of screaming, but much to his relief it wasn't directed at him this time. Creeping closer to the door, the red-head peered through the small glass window. There stood Tseng, serious as always, taking his verbal beating quietly looking at the floor. He strained his ears to hear what was being said. Apparently Tseng had set something on fire, that was odd, he thought Tseng would be more classy with his destruction. Quiet fell in the office, so apparently the president wanted an explanation. He strained his ears further to here Tseng's response. A devious smile spread over his face.

He waited in the hall until Tseng was excused and, the moment the door had been shut screamed:

"Hey boss! Why didn'tcha tell me ya had a girlfriend?" Tseng froze, turning slightly to give him a death glare.

"She's not my girlfriend." He said.

"Ah come on! I won't tell anyone! Not even Elena! She has a thing for you ya'know."

"Be quiet Reno." Tseng said before walking off in the direction of his office.

"Hey! Wait! You only made her a cake! You didn't even give her an actual present!" Reno said following him down the hall.

"The cake was the present."

"That doesn't count! Nothin' edible counts! Well, unless it's edible panties." The red-head said thoughtfully.

"Watch it." Tseng said, shooting another glare in his direction.

"Sorry, sorry. But you gotta get her somethin', boss."

"I'll think about it." Was all he said before heading toward the building's entrance.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Reno gripped the edge of the window frame, and as discreetly as possible looked through the glass into Tseng's kitchen. The man stood in the middle of the room looking dreamily off into the distance. Perfect. For once his boss was going to take his advice. His balance was thrown off suddenly as his partner in crime became unsteady.

"Hey Rude, quit. I'm gonna fall." He scolded before placing one foot on the bald man's head while keeping the other on his shoulder to get a better view.

"You should see this! Tseng makes really weird faces when he's thinking." The red-head whispered. This was followed by a distinct "…" from Rude. He had never been a man of many words. Reno just managed to duck in time as Tseng snapped back to attention before heading to the door. If this was going to work it had to be a complete secret.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

He and Rude had been following Tseng around for hours. The man was so picky. He would pick up something, look at it for a minute then sigh and set it down. There had been some close calls though. Reno was sure he would have seen them if he hadn't been so focused on his mission. To remedy this Reno had found a large sun hat with a variety of flowers around it to disguise himself, though Rude had refused the rice picking hat he was offered.

Tseng seemed to be on the verge of collapsing on the floor in despair (pulling a Werther) when suddenly his mouth dropped open and he pointed randomly off into one of the shop windows. Sneaking over Reno looked through the window as well. He wasn't seriously thinking about buying her something that stupid! He made his purchase before leaving them and Reno was about to follow when a certain store caught his eye. Yes this was perfect something to save his poor, unfortunate boss' girlfriend.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Walking through the slums Reno decided it was best to wait outside the church so as Tseng went inside they took their position at one of the broken church windows. Aerith ran up to him and mumbling something held out a bunch of wilted flowers which Tseng took before handing her his gift. She let out a squeal before attacking Tseng. At this point Reno couldn't control himself. Taking out his phone he dialed Tseng's number and watched the man answer.

"Really." He said sarcastically.

Only moments later Tseng was outside, almost stomping toward them.

"You know boss, you need some serious help shopping." He said. Tseng just stared at him blankly.

"I picked this up on our way here so you could redeem yourself though." He said handing Tseng a small pink bag. Skeptically taking it from him, he pulled out what appeared to be a pair of women's underwear, though they were like nothing he'd ever seen before. A sudden realization hit him and, dropping the garment, he began to beat Reno with the bag before storming off in the direction of his apartment. Reno huffed angrily at how underappreciated he was before an idea hit him.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

The next morning the red-head crept into his female co-workers office and quietly placed a small pink bag on her desk with a bright yellow Stick-Um attached.

It read: _Dear Elena, Just a little something to show my appreciation for all your hard work. –Tseng_


	4. The Trouble With Elena

AN: OMFG! I actually got around to writing another chapter! There's more to come too….

The trouble with Elena

Tseng found himself at his desk the next day with no new missions and lots of paperwork. He would still have to check up on Aerith of course but he didn't mind that. What he did mind however was the fact that Reno kept walking by his office as though he was waiting for something. The red-head's smile disturbed him; he feared what it might mean. For this reason Tseng had avoided opening any drawers or closets and didn't drink the coffee that was offered to him.

It was around one o'clock at that point and his co-workers pacing and the lack of coffee had made him unusually irritable. He was turned around in his swivel chair stuffing some papers in his file cabinet when he heard the door of his office shut and the shuffling of something on his desk. Swiveling around he said in the most authoritative voice he could muster:

"Reno, you're really starting to…." It was then that he realized he wasn't talking to Reno but was face to chest with Elena who was sitting on his desk. She smiled down at him seductively and Tseng was sure he could hear Reno snickering in the hall.

"Oh….Elena…..what are you doing?" He stuttered pushing himself back but keeping eye contact with her.

"I got that present you left me." She said, smiling even more. Tseng searched his memory for anything that he had ever given her, other than lectures and that pen with the chewed on cap. He didn't dare say he couldn't remember. Though he was extremely inexperienced with women he knew one thing for sure: the things a man couldn't remember where the only things women cared about.

"You're welcome?" He said but she overlooked the questioning tone.

"So do you want it now or later?" she asked fingering his tie impatiently. He noticed that she put the emphasis on 'now' but that all he got from the statement. He also noticed that there was more laughter coming from the hallway.

In his head he listed all the things he wanted NOW: Peace and quiet, to get out of the office and check on Aerith, to take an ax to his red-headed coworker; none of these things seemed to fit the question. It was only after she had undone his tie and was trying to pull his jacket off that he decided to come clean.

"Elena, I have no idea what you're talking about." He said in defeat. She looked at him quizzically for several seconds before smiling again.

"Oh, I see, you want to play innocent?" She said.

"No, I really don't know what you're talking about. And would you please stop that?" He said pushing her hands away from him then standing up. She looked completely and totally crushed, then angry, then like she wanted to hang him out the window by his underwear. Then it hit him. It was the underwear, Reno must have given it to her so her as a joke. Then something else struck him. Elena's fist.

"You big jerk! You led me on!" She screamed. But before he could react she was in the hall yelling about how she was going to the president and was going to sue him for sexual harassment. It was then that Reno looked around the door frame a massive smile on his face.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Tseng stood in front of the president, attempting to explain what had happened. This was made unusually hard as he tried to apply pressure to his nose which was bleeding heavily. Elena stood indignantly at his side, huffing at every comment he tried to make. Luckily the president's favor fell on him.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

When Tseng finally showed up at the church that afternoon he had developed a bruise that spanned over seventy percent of his face. Aerith was horrified, as was Zack who Tseng had met several months before. He couldn't come up with a concrete reason why the SOLDIER was there, and found it odd that he had been helping Aerith with her garden.

It was after an all too short visit that Tseng found himself walking back above the plate with Zack.

"So, you really got beat up by a girl?" The SOLDIER asked.

"Unfortunately. I think I might file for aggravated assault." He said with a sigh. There was a moment of silence between them before Tseng finally asked:

"What were you doing down here anyway?"

"Oh, um, Aerith and I are dating. What where you doing?" Zack never got a response. When he looked back to see why Tseng hadn't answered he found the TURK unconscious on the ground.

"Wow, that chick must have hit him hard." Zack said before picking up his comrade and heading toward Shinra's infirmary.


	5. Tseng Throws a Bitch Fit

AN: Hokay so, thanks to everyone who has read! The next chapter is currently just a concept so I have no idea how long it will take….anyway. Apparently this chapter has some spelling problems and a major grammar mistake and frankly I'm not too concerned about it so please don't kill me. So leave comments, questions, or plot tidbits, they are much appreciated.

Tseng Throws a Bitch Fit

It was the next morning that Tseng found himself in the Shinra medical wing, half naked and more bruised than before. He had hit his head pretty hard but unfortunately him memories were still intact. So there he sat in a rather uncomfortable hospital bed playing with the edge of his gown and wondering who had undressed him. He tried not to think of Aireth because it made him upset and the nurses had told him he would not be released if his blood pressure got any higher.

He didn't end up staying there long because the company wouldn't pay for his medical expenses. He was to be sent home, with an escort to make sure he got through the door in one piece, but after that he would be on his own. He pulled on his suit, which was still covered in blood and dirt, and was about to ask who would be escorting him home when his answer walked through the door.

"Hey, Tseng. Feeling alright?" Zack asked.

"Only like I was punched in the face, then in the stomach." He answered dejectedly. He had hoped it would be one of his fellow TURKs, Rude maybe, even Reno would have been better.

They didn't have time for conversation; the nursing staff kicked them out the second that found that Tseng was somewhat clothed. In fact not much was said through the duration of their journey to Tseng's apartment. Once he had been dropped off Zack had tried to give him a friendly fair well only to have the door slammed in his face.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Much to Zack's dismay he was forced to return to the apartment with Aerith in tow. She had been so upset after hearing about Tseng that she had practically begged Zackto take her to check up on him. Much to their surprise they weren't the only ones that felt Tseng needed to be checked on. When they arrived Elena and Rude where waiting outside the door while what sounded like the war with Wutai raged on inside.

"What's going on? Is he alright?" Aerith asked nervously looking at the door. No one answered because there was a sudden flurry of voices.

"This is all about how I file my paperwork isn't it?" Reno was saying.

"No, but how you file your paperwork makes me so mad!" Tseng half yelled. The group exchanged looks, they had never seen nor heard him act like this.

"Never mind the paperwork. You need to relax." Reno said. The group exchanged looks again. Reno sounded so calm and serious. It was a complete role reversal.

"Don't tell me what to do!" Tseng yelled and with that the door was flung open and Reno fell out face first. By the time he picked himself up off the floor the door had been shut and locked.

"What's wrong with him?" Aerith asked, tears threatening to fall down her cheeks.

"Nothing, he's just having his bitch fit." Reno replied looking at the other TURKs. They both nodded in agreement.

"His what?" Aerith asked as though it was some sort of terminal illness.

"His bitch fit. Zack would understand. It's like the SOLDIER meltdown. " Zack nodded at this but began to explain when he saw the confused look on the Ancient's face.

"It's…when you just get really frustrated and explode. Genesis almost slaughtered a small village last time he had a meltdown." Aerith looked completely horrified.

"Don't worry he's a little insane at the moment but he'll be better soon." Zack said and lead her away.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Later that night Reno made his way back to Tseng's apartment. He let himself in and made his way back to the bedroom where he found a Tseng laying on the bed, still in his bloody cloths.

"Feelin' better." He asked, leaning against the door frame.

"Yes, I'm sorry for yelling at you. Though your filing methods do piss me off." Tseng replied with a slight laugh. He sat up and put his hand gently to his face. "Oh, and I'm sorry for throwing that frying pan at you." Reno scowled.

"Yeah, well, you should apologies to Elena and Aerith not me. Elena thought she messed you up good and Aerith was bawlin'." Tseng was quiet for a moment then asked:

"What does Zack have that I don't?" Now Reno smiled, devilishly, like he had in the office. Tseng didn't like this one bit.

"Well, he's probably "taller" than you, if you get my drift."

"You're right! He's six foot two and I'm five foot eleven!" Tseng wailed. Reno's face fell.

"That's…not what I meant."

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Reno had left after receiving the next day's instructions and hadn't said another word about Aerith. It was only after mulling the thought over that Tseng realized that when Reno said "taller" he wasn't talking about to his height.


End file.
